My Milkshake Bringeth All Ye Gentle Folk to the Breakfast Table

I like milkshakes to the point that I drowned out my childhood cow milk allergy in cold creamy goodness. If anyone lives near a GBK (Gourmet Burger Kitchen) you have to try the lime milkshake, it is pure puckering perfection. But let's get back to the breakfast table. The diabetic American one to be more precise. As a child I had heard of these candy coloured pastry treats that you could just pop into a toaster and enjoy. But they were from far away and you could only see them in Archie comics and on TV. A little way down the road and the emergence of import supermarkets gave the bright boxes a place on the shelf. But they were really expensive and look mildly radioactive to adults. Finally in my college years, I shared a dormitory with a notorious candy dealer. She had ample supplies of the elusive rectangular pastry pockets. I got pop tarts.

Now, my first flavour was the classic strawberry. Since I was giving in to the infantile impulses of my food psyche I might as well stick with one of the most child-friendly fruit flavours. I liked my first few bites enough. It may have been my high expectations and excitement that led me to believe that. You soon realise the taste of rainbows tastes like chemicals. I needed a tall glass of milk to help wash it down and desensitise my tongue. Fast-forward to my most recent trip to Malaysia, I was shopping around a Cold Storage (local supermarket chain) looking for local snacks or anything I was not used to seeing in Bangkok. Lo and behold the psychedelic packages were sitting neatly on the shelf. I know I can get pop tarts in Bangkok, but I tend not to go looking for them. Again, my mind likes the idea of such over the top treats more than my taste buds. What caught my attention in this case was the flavour: Strawberry Milkshake. A certain someone had recently sent me a photo of the flavour range for sale in a vending machine. I was baffled as how a product that was already the furthest possible thing from a healthy breakfast could be pushed even further. Ice cream parlour flavours do not equate healthy or breakfast. I needed to know.

It's a sweet cookie pastry stuffed with a sweet filling, iced with a sweet pink icing and decorated with sweet rainbow sprinkles. I can feel my foot falling off as I stare at the pale plank of potential diabetes. But wait! There's 25 percent less sugar! Only 3 cups instead of 4! Yay! Kittens for everyone! Still, this merely meant that you could take a few more bites than usual before needing something to soothe the sweet sugary burn. The pastry and icing were the same as I recalled from previous encounters, clinging to the bleak flavours of white flour and white sugar but strangely satisfying if you're in the right mood.

I am a sucker for sprinkles so seeing the little flecks of colour was a welcome break in the otherwise albino tart. The monotonous colour palette was reiterated once I penetrated the crumbly casing. I preferred the glaring red of strawberry filling peeking out from under a blanket of snow white icing. The tart faintly emanated the fragrance of a strawberry milkshake which was not too unpleasant. The cut in sugar was a welcome adjustment, but overall, if I am in the mood for doping up on kiddie crank, I'd rather have the sweeter sharpness of fructose fruit from a straight strawberry one. Nyan cat, all the way.